Siri asked me if my life has really changed last night. I really had to think about that question. Although my life has not changed in the ways she was implying the answer is an astounding yes. I haven't become more responsible, cleaner, more proactive, more independent, less polar in my controversial personal views on things, and I don't act like I am happier.
The strange thing is, my life feels so alien to me right now. I have never felt the way I feel right now. For the first time I really feel like I am living in the moment instead of living for the future. I have always lived my life according to a plan. Always working towards furthering myself to make myself happy in the future... to be successful. The difference now is, I feel like I have reached that point. I feel like life has begun, and I am no longer preparing for it. I am not acting happy. I am actually happy, and I am not preparing myself to be happy. I don't feel like I need to pretend anymore.
Granted, I still have those everyday fears that I have always had. I still worry about money, my future, getting a job, having a successful marriage, and how people will judge me. Actually, I might be more afraid now, because I am not used to this feeling. I am with the person I love, living in a place I really do enjoy, and a list of accomplishments many would envy. I even have enough money to support my wife and I for quite some time without worrying about having a job while I try doing something I really enjoy, blogging.
Why does this scare me so much? Because I do not know where to go from here. I told Siri that my life purpose has now become to make her happy. That is truly my life purpose now. It seems so simple. My old, well thought out (perceived) life purpose, used to be "To live every moment to the fullest. To live life honestly and positively. To live without regret and to live complaint free. To be a great friend and a member of a close knit community". While still being very important, this no longer seems like a purpose anymore. Siri is my purpose.
The question is, Now What?
1 comments:
I remember feeling very similar when I was first married. My husband is from a different country than me, and though he moved to be with me, life was suddenly different and I didn't know what to do. All the plans I had made for ME were now about US. It was weird.
Eventually, I adjusted to my new life and we began to make new plans. Instead of living for the day, we started setting goals for our life together.
Its nice! Five years later, we are even happier than when we first married. We still seem to live in the moment, but having long term goals as a family unit (we have kids now) keeps us grounded.
Excellent post! Good luck adjusting to your new life!
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