Darkness begins to fall in Bangkok, Thailand. There is something eerie in the air. Fear. The smell of fear is everywhere? But whose? I pick up a wedding invitation. It is in Thai. There are only 2 things I can make out. "Eric Barnes" and "30, January 2010. I hear screaming in the background. Has the end come? What do I do?
Roosters crow as the sun sets. Three silver BMWs sit waiting to carry the helpless victim to the ceremony. "I won't let it happen. They won't get me." Says a voice from afar. It sounded like me. Could it be? Is this my Wedding? How did this happen? What do I do?
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Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Parents in Bangkok
After being on my own in Thailand for two months with just Siri and her family and friends to keep me entertained, I was starting to get homesick. I haven't seen the U.S. since Thanksgiving. I missed Christmas, New Years, and the great blizzard of 2009. I missed talking American politics, nascar, and football. I missed giving my mother a hard.
They were set to arrive Tuesday evening. I was very excited. I felt like all my problems and worries would go away as soon as they arrived. Siri and I went to the airport early that day. We didn't want to risk being late for this moment. We waited for a long time. Watching the time, the flight board, and the TV screens of everyone just arriving. I had a feeling that I hadn't had in a long time. I didn't even know you could remember feelings. I felt just like I did when I was a little boy waiting at the airport for my grandmother when she came to visit my family in Virginia 25 years ago. It was a feeling of excitement and giddy. I felt like a kid on Christmas day.
Siri and I spent our time talking about my parents. We tried to predict what they were going to be wearing and what the first thing they were going to say. Unfortunately those predictions went away when we saw that they had arrived but were unable to find them. We waited at the meeting area for over an hour. Finally I decided to go exploring. I got a text message saying that they were at exit 6. I was at exit 6. I didn't see them. I was so excited I started making noises to get their attention just in case they were near.
Finally, the thought crossed my mind to look down. I was on the 3rd floor. I looked down and there they were standing right under me, 2 stories down. I yelled at them and they started to look around. As I said "HEY CRAZY PEOPLE FROM MYRTLE BEACH" and threw a business card down at them, a man finally told them to look up. We had found each other.
The remainder of the night was filled with excitement. Everybody was so excited to talk and tell there stories that we probably had four conversations going on simultaneously. We stayed up all night talking. Catching up, making plans, and just being together. It was great. I had forgotten how much I enjoy being with my family.
They were set to arrive Tuesday evening. I was very excited. I felt like all my problems and worries would go away as soon as they arrived. Siri and I went to the airport early that day. We didn't want to risk being late for this moment. We waited for a long time. Watching the time, the flight board, and the TV screens of everyone just arriving. I had a feeling that I hadn't had in a long time. I didn't even know you could remember feelings. I felt just like I did when I was a little boy waiting at the airport for my grandmother when she came to visit my family in Virginia 25 years ago. It was a feeling of excitement and giddy. I felt like a kid on Christmas day.
Siri and I spent our time talking about my parents. We tried to predict what they were going to be wearing and what the first thing they were going to say. Unfortunately those predictions went away when we saw that they had arrived but were unable to find them. We waited at the meeting area for over an hour. Finally I decided to go exploring. I got a text message saying that they were at exit 6. I was at exit 6. I didn't see them. I was so excited I started making noises to get their attention just in case they were near.
Finally, the thought crossed my mind to look down. I was on the 3rd floor. I looked down and there they were standing right under me, 2 stories down. I yelled at them and they started to look around. As I said "HEY CRAZY PEOPLE FROM MYRTLE BEACH" and threw a business card down at them, a man finally told them to look up. We had found each other.
The remainder of the night was filled with excitement. Everybody was so excited to talk and tell there stories that we probably had four conversations going on simultaneously. We stayed up all night talking. Catching up, making plans, and just being together. It was great. I had forgotten how much I enjoy being with my family.
Friday, January 15, 2010
The Sleep Study
Life in Thailand has not been problem free. In fact, I guess life has never been problem free. It was here in Bangkok that I finally found the source of my problems. And I wasn't a bit surprised when I found out.
In late Decemeber, I was diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea and Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. Two disorders I have long worried about having but never had the money, insurance, or proper healthcare to get help. Its amazing how much better the healthcare is here in Thailand. I have been seeing doctors for over 30 years, but just one consultation with a specialist here and she knew exactly what was wrong. Sleep tests later confirmed her diganosis.
I was told a week in advance about the sleep test. I knew what the results were going to be but I was excited to get them confirmed. This was possibly an eye opening moment. A moment that could change everything in my life. To be able to fix sleep problems that have been plaguing me my entire life is priceless.
It was day after Christmas when I had my sleep study scheduled. I had a pre-wedding photo shoot with Siri that morning and did not have much sleep. Once again, I was sleep deprived. Siri and I showed up to the test lab at 10pm that night. When the clock struck midnight, it was time for me to get get ready. The medical technician came in and started to get to work. I was getting strapped up to I don't know how many machines. I had electrobes all over my head, heart monitors, multiple things up my nose monitoring my breath, devices hooked to my hands and legs. How was a person supposed to sleep like this?:
I was so glad that Siri was with me. She stayed all night in the couch next to me. It took forever to fall asleep, even with my lack of sleep from the night before. That night, I didn't sleep much. It took me 2 hours to fall asleep and I was asleep for 65% of the time for the remaining 10 hours. As I expected, the the diagnosis was confirmed. I had just discovered one of my biggest obstacles in my life and I was ready to deal with it. With the help of great medical support and a incredibly wonderful, helpful and supportive wife, I knew it was only a matter of time until I defeated these disorders.
In late Decemeber, I was diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea and Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. Two disorders I have long worried about having but never had the money, insurance, or proper healthcare to get help. Its amazing how much better the healthcare is here in Thailand. I have been seeing doctors for over 30 years, but just one consultation with a specialist here and she knew exactly what was wrong. Sleep tests later confirmed her diganosis.
I was told a week in advance about the sleep test. I knew what the results were going to be but I was excited to get them confirmed. This was possibly an eye opening moment. A moment that could change everything in my life. To be able to fix sleep problems that have been plaguing me my entire life is priceless.
It was day after Christmas when I had my sleep study scheduled. I had a pre-wedding photo shoot with Siri that morning and did not have much sleep. Once again, I was sleep deprived. Siri and I showed up to the test lab at 10pm that night. When the clock struck midnight, it was time for me to get get ready. The medical technician came in and started to get to work. I was getting strapped up to I don't know how many machines. I had electrobes all over my head, heart monitors, multiple things up my nose monitoring my breath, devices hooked to my hands and legs. How was a person supposed to sleep like this?:
I was so glad that Siri was with me. She stayed all night in the couch next to me. It took forever to fall asleep, even with my lack of sleep from the night before. That night, I didn't sleep much. It took me 2 hours to fall asleep and I was asleep for 65% of the time for the remaining 10 hours. As I expected, the the diagnosis was confirmed. I had just discovered one of my biggest obstacles in my life and I was ready to deal with it. With the help of great medical support and a incredibly wonderful, helpful and supportive wife, I knew it was only a matter of time until I defeated these disorders.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
My Life Has Changed
Siri asked me if my life has really changed last night. I really had to think about that question. Although my life has not changed in the ways she was implying the answer is an astounding yes. I haven't become more responsible, cleaner, more proactive, more independent, less polar in my controversial personal views on things, and I don't act like I am happier.
The strange thing is, my life feels so alien to me right now. I have never felt the way I feel right now. For the first time I really feel like I am living in the moment instead of living for the future. I have always lived my life according to a plan. Always working towards furthering myself to make myself happy in the future... to be successful. The difference now is, I feel like I have reached that point. I feel like life has begun, and I am no longer preparing for it. I am not acting happy. I am actually happy, and I am not preparing myself to be happy. I don't feel like I need to pretend anymore.
Granted, I still have those everyday fears that I have always had. I still worry about money, my future, getting a job, having a successful marriage, and how people will judge me. Actually, I might be more afraid now, because I am not used to this feeling. I am with the person I love, living in a place I really do enjoy, and a list of accomplishments many would envy. I even have enough money to support my wife and I for quite some time without worrying about having a job while I try doing something I really enjoy, blogging.
Why does this scare me so much? Because I do not know where to go from here. I told Siri that my life purpose has now become to make her happy. That is truly my life purpose now. It seems so simple. My old, well thought out (perceived) life purpose, used to be "To live every moment to the fullest. To live life honestly and positively. To live without regret and to live complaint free. To be a great friend and a member of a close knit community". While still being very important, this no longer seems like a purpose anymore. Siri is my purpose.
The question is, Now What?
The strange thing is, my life feels so alien to me right now. I have never felt the way I feel right now. For the first time I really feel like I am living in the moment instead of living for the future. I have always lived my life according to a plan. Always working towards furthering myself to make myself happy in the future... to be successful. The difference now is, I feel like I have reached that point. I feel like life has begun, and I am no longer preparing for it. I am not acting happy. I am actually happy, and I am not preparing myself to be happy. I don't feel like I need to pretend anymore.
Granted, I still have those everyday fears that I have always had. I still worry about money, my future, getting a job, having a successful marriage, and how people will judge me. Actually, I might be more afraid now, because I am not used to this feeling. I am with the person I love, living in a place I really do enjoy, and a list of accomplishments many would envy. I even have enough money to support my wife and I for quite some time without worrying about having a job while I try doing something I really enjoy, blogging.
Why does this scare me so much? Because I do not know where to go from here. I told Siri that my life purpose has now become to make her happy. That is truly my life purpose now. It seems so simple. My old, well thought out (perceived) life purpose, used to be "To live every moment to the fullest. To live life honestly and positively. To live without regret and to live complaint free. To be a great friend and a member of a close knit community". While still being very important, this no longer seems like a purpose anymore. Siri is my purpose.
The question is, Now What?
Friday, January 8, 2010
Dream World
Less than a month away from our wedding date and things were staying hectic. Next thing on the calender, a pre-wedding shoot at the Beach. We had been planning this for quite some time and kept rescheduling. I was very excited to visit the beach here. It was going to be on New Years Eve. The perfect way to ring in the new year. Unfortunately, Everyone else must have thought the same thing because the hotels were booked. We had to figure out a back up plan.
Luckily, this is Thailand... Blazing temperature 365 days a year, and the Amusement parks stay open year round. One of Siri's friends recommended that we go to the amusement park "Dream World" to take photos. I figured great, I haven't been to a good amusement park for a while. New Year's Eve had arrived and we packed our things to go have some fun.
There was me, Siri, the photographer, and a friend that offered to come along and help. I got dressed up in a nice white shirt and a pair of jeans. Siri was wearing a beautiful White dress. When we got to Dream World, I realized why they had picked this park. It was the girliest amusement park I have ever seen. There was more pink around than I have ever seen in my life. And to top it off, Siri's friend picked out matching pink shirts for me and Siri to wear. Oh boy, this was going to be fun. Siri looked like a princess in her white dress and really did fit in with the theme of the park. I think many people believed that she was a mascot or a character of the park. She was so beautiful.
We had a great photographer that knew how to catch the moment. It wasn't just the standard GQ poses, we got to have a little fun in this photo shoot... and yes I might have had too much fun. By the end of the day, we had an incredible portfolio of over a hundred pictures. I looked great in all of them, except for the ones with the pink shirts. And Siri, absolutely adorable.
The hot day wore us down pretty quickly and we left during the early afternoon. Siri and I were so exhausted we missed the New Years celebration. It was an amazing day and I wouldn't have traded it for a countdown and fireworks. That night, Siri and I slept like babies to the tune of exploding fire crackers.
Friday, January 1, 2010
My Worst Day in Thailand
Well, It was bound to happen sooner or later. I had a bad day. A day of confusion, miscommunication, and bad news. The day started off with a bang. I had scheduled a doctors appointment at the same time that Siri scheduled an event with her Mother. We were going to shop for the Wedding ring. It started out as a simple argument and grew and grew. No one ever wins one of these arguments. I knew this, and Siri knew this. So we stopped arguing.
The afternoon had come and I had to go to my doctor's appointment. The wait was unusually long, at least for me. I was seeing the doctor about my sleep problems, and the longer I waited the more I worried that something was wrong. I finally saw the doctor and got a very thorough examination. I was happy that I had a very thorough and knowledgeable doctor. Unfortunately, I was not happy with the results.
The doctor found many problems. It explained so much. I often felt fatigued and out of breath throughout my life. Now I knew why. The doctor had diagnosed me with Obstructive Sleep Apnea and Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome among other complications. If confirmed, I would need surgery, medication, and would need to sleep with a machine, possible for the rest of my life. The bad news was confirmed after a few tests.
I told Siri of the results of the doctor's visit. Siri and I made up as we realized that we needed to make a few positive changes. I was ready to make those changes, my health and relationship depended on it. I hated having to ask Siri for help, she already did so much for me. She does everything for me. I never want her to feel like I am taking advantage of her. Luckily, I am married to the most wonderful and kind woman I know. Once again, I realize, I am a lucky man.
The afternoon had come and I had to go to my doctor's appointment. The wait was unusually long, at least for me. I was seeing the doctor about my sleep problems, and the longer I waited the more I worried that something was wrong. I finally saw the doctor and got a very thorough examination. I was happy that I had a very thorough and knowledgeable doctor. Unfortunately, I was not happy with the results.
The doctor found many problems. It explained so much. I often felt fatigued and out of breath throughout my life. Now I knew why. The doctor had diagnosed me with Obstructive Sleep Apnea and Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome among other complications. If confirmed, I would need surgery, medication, and would need to sleep with a machine, possible for the rest of my life. The bad news was confirmed after a few tests.
I told Siri of the results of the doctor's visit. Siri and I made up as we realized that we needed to make a few positive changes. I was ready to make those changes, my health and relationship depended on it. I hated having to ask Siri for help, she already did so much for me. She does everything for me. I never want her to feel like I am taking advantage of her. Luckily, I am married to the most wonderful and kind woman I know. Once again, I realize, I am a lucky man.
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